.melissa.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

2:16:00 AM

There is a difference between being nostalgic and being emotional.

Wednesday would mark the second month of our separation, and yet, thinking back on the times we shared before, I feel no pain.

Its hard to believe now, that I had deemed life unworthy and uninteresting when you first left me for her. The perfect little world that I had built for us in the confines of my mind and heart came crashing down in what had seemed to me then, the longest, most agonizing 15 minutes of my life.

You seemed to walk away from the disaster unscarred, almost glad to be rid of me. And for a while, all the love I once felt for you turned into hatred and anger. I hated you for leaving. For pulling the carpet from right under my feet with no warning whatsoever. But the anger I felt? That was mostly at myself.

For the longest time, I blamed myself for the demise of the relationship, emotionally beating myself up for not being pretty enough, not being a good enough girlfriend. That was how I rationalized you leaving me. And that was the only way I could stay sane.

I know better now. It wasn't a matter of who's fault it was, who wasn't good enough for who. We were just too different. Like oil and water (you being oil of course =P, just kidding).

I was seeking love when we first met, and we probably jumped into it a tad too quickly, before really getting to know each other. A very wise person once told me that a great relationship is based on mutual respect, trust, and most importantly, a strong friendship... Something you and I never really had.

I've picked myself up now, ready to brave whatever storm I will face in future. Life is worthwhile again, and the appearance of new people in my life, as well as the constant presence of those who stuck by me throughout, have added more colour into my life than I had ever would have guessed possible.

To my parents, Turtle, Keith, Henry, Licia, Nalph, Chris and Wanda - Thank you for being there when I needed, and thanks for not saying "I told you so". =) I love you all, more than I could ever express in words.

To Donna, Nana and Junie - You guys are the craziest people I've ever ever ever met... And I am so blessed to have you in my life. =) Thanks for listening to the constant whining and bitching in school, without ever telling me to shut up already. I love you guys, don't ever change, and here's to growing old and becoming the craziest bunch of grandmas together =D

I've officially closed a chapter of my life, and am eagerly looking forward to the vast number of new, exciting experiences that await me in the many chapters I have yet to write.

There is a difference between being nostalgic and being emotional.

I take away from all this, nothing but fond memories and the happy times, and I hope you do too. Be happy... Because I am. =)

mel'snoteswritten.

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